With the fabled comedy showcase running until the end of August, we whittled down gags galore from this year’s standups to pick a dozen of our favourites

Michael Spicer: Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it saw someone from work on a Saturday.

Susie McCabe: What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.

Lou Sanders: I asked if I could change the vaccine I was getting and the guy said he’d get his supervisor. I thought that was like Pfizer but a really, really good one.

Eryn Tett: A spiritual guidance teacher playing hide and seek with kids: “All right, well, you guys go hide. And find yourselves.”

Ignacio Lopez: I come from a long line of immigrants. No, seriously, the queue was massive – the first thing they teach you when you move to the UK is queuing.

Olaf Falafel: I spent the whole morning building a time machine – that’s four hours of my life I’m definitely getting back.

Sophie Duker: Don’t knock threesomes. Having a threesome is like hiring an intern to do all the jobs you hate.

Ari Eldjárn: I never wanted a beard. But then it grew on me.

Tessa Coates: Got arrested for relaxing at a campsite the other day – loitering within tent.

Amy Gledhill: I’m from a little place I like to call York. I shouldn’t, because it’s pronounced Hull.

Michael Akadiri: Being a doctor in comedy has got me some fans. I had a guy book tickets to see me because it was the quickest way to get a doctor’s appointment.

Jessica Fostekew: I haven’t got the energy for a hot girl summer. I’m aiming for a warm woman spring.

Michael Spicer and Susie McCabe are at Assembly George Square Studios; Olaf Falafel is at Laughing Horse at The Pear Tree; Lou Sanders, Ari Eldjárn and Jessica Fostekew are at Monkey Barrel Comedy; Eryn Tett is at Just the Tonic at the Tron; Ignacio Lopez is at Gilded Balloon Patter Hoose; Sophie Duker, Tessa Coates and Michael Akadiri are at Pleasance Courtyard; and Amy Gledhill is at Monkey Barrel Comedy (Carnivore)